Is your life run by errant feelings or are you living in the abundance of Christ’s love and righteousness? I am embarrassed to admit that most of my life, it was the former. I have often been told that I am sensitive and a deep feeler. After years of having these labels sown into my mind, it became a part of me much like my green eyes and light brown hair. I was paralyzed by my feelings. Before I would go into a situation, my thoughts and logic would run away even before an event would ever take place. I never knew that I could question if these feelings and emotions were true.
After I became a Christian in my thirties, you would have thought that, like a fairy godmother, Jesus would use his magic wand and zap me into saneness. Well at first, he did. Instantly there was relief that came with knowing the grace I had received. My steps were lighter knowing Jesus’ sacrifice was for me and that ALL my sins were forgiven. Maybe I got comfortable and took my foot off the gas. A couple of years in, the weight started to creep back in. Who I thought I was “supposed” to be as a Christian started sneaking into my thoughts and started stealing my joy.
About a year ago, I shared my testimony at a women’s event. It was one of the most difficult things I have done. That comforting blanket of being like everyone else and being accepted would be stripped away. I would be seen for the first time with my flaws laid bare and my brokenness for all to see. After it was over, I was overjoyed to share what Jesus had done for me. He took ALL of my brokenness and covered it with his brokenness. I was on the mountain top with Jesus and overwhelmed with joy, unaware that a valley was just around the corner. Quickly, some relationships changed. People who once sought me out to talk found themselves very busy, and that is when the devil started feeding me lies. Feelings of I’m not good enough, self-doubt, and loneliness crept back in stronger and stronger.
I prayed for God to help me get through the fog in my own mind. Months of praying and crying out to God, I asked him to take these burdens and please help me. It was then he led me through a process of showing me that he chose me, that he alone loves me, and he alone is my righteousness. Life is not about covering up our brokenness; it’s allowing God to use our brokenness because we can’t be made whole until we see we are broken.
I was reminded recently that feelings are not always true. When my feelings try to take over my thoughts, that is when I must live out 2 Corinthians 10:5 and take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. I love what Donna Gaines said in her book Choose Wisely, Live Fully, “We have a very real enemy who assaults the truth of God and can manipulate our emotions. That is why we cannot feel our way out of acting. Instead, we must think (according to God’s Word) and act our way into a new way of feeling. If we will choose to act according to God’s Word, eventually our feelings will line up.”
As for me, I am still a deep feeler and sensitive by nature. Although that doesn’t define all of who God has made me to be, he has gifted me with the compassion for others, much deeper than I could imagine. Each day comes with new challenges. I must remember to put on the armor of God and trust him with all that I am. He isn’t finished with me yet, which means I hold onto this truth. I am who he says I am.
Julie Garrison
Comentários