About a month ago, I had a "missed it" melt down over all the things I felt like my children were missing during this season of social separation. Missed field trips, missed celebrations, missed visits with family, even missed seasonal crafts … and I had an all-out pity party for them and all the memories that I felt like they would be "life deficient" for not having. Sadly, in what was likely only about thirty seconds, the list became an unhealthy length, and I couldn’t help but let a few tears out over it.
Being the type who chronically leaps before they look, I did what I’d like to think someone else would have also done. In the midst of feeling sad and overwhelmed, I decided I should immediately plan something for later that same week to recover at least one of those losses. In my semi-anxious-to-make-it-right state, I texted a few people and called another. Partway into the activity flurry, the effort quickly turned into a bust (surprise). It seemed everyone had headed to the beach for the holiday weekend. It was almost like a double whammy on missing it. We were not headed to the beach, and my kids will be the first to tell you, the beach is one of my happy places. Deep breath.
Then, something kind of unexpected happened. After receiving my text, one of the big-hearted moms in my son’s class called me. She sensed I might need a listening ear, and I am so grateful she did. With a little bit of calming and comforting, I was able to calm down a bit.
I don’t think it’s a coincidence that our conversation happened, gently reminding me that I, too, have plenty of experiences I’ve "missed out" on over the years. Some small, like not being invited on a girls trip, and some much bigger, like missing out on having parents that stayed married or a job I really wanted. And the reality that my list of misses has yet to cause me to ‘miss out’ on God’s plan and purpose for me.
Thankfully that ah-ha helped me make a turning point and I stopped to do what I should have done when the initial “missed it” list started. Instead of building a harmful inventory of misses that morphed into a meltdown, I took the list of "missed its" to God, in prayer. Philippians 4:6 tells us to not worry about anything, but in everything, through prayer and petition with thanksgiving, present your requests to God – so I did. Then I tried really hard not to keep thinking about them. Lists and inventories are a weakness for me. Knowing that is a weakness, and in an effort to force myself into a more positive line of thinking, I shifted that list-making desire into making a healthier list, a list that affirms Romans 8:28 - "And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them that are called according to his purpose." (CSB)
Once I took the time to reground myself in God’s truth, I was reminded how marvelously God does only what God can do, weaving the things that make us feel like we missed it, into our story. I let myself be reminded how the misses I’ve had have been used and how God has consistently worked for good. My parents’ relationship helped me enjoy the city and country I rotated between – every other weekend – and being an efficient packer came in really handy during my traveling consultant years. Being "right sized" out of a job shortly after having my daughter provided the blessing of time with her and helped me find my true identity (vs. my work identity). Those missed trips placed me exactly where God wanted me to be at the right time for other plans He was working that I couldn’t have fathomed.
We are boldly assured by Jeremiah 29:11 that God “knows the plans I have for you” – this is the LORD’s declaration – “plans for your well-being, not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope.” (CSB)
For the more recent lists of "missing it" things, my perspective on them will change with time and a prayerful heart. In fact, it turns out, at least some of the "misses" I thought my kids were going to have were, like my own misses, not misses at all. Some of them happened and I didn’t know, and the rest? Well, I will just have to be patient and confident that God is all over those too!
Cornelia Leslie
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