Mr. Rose was a little old man who lived up the road from my family when I was growing up. He always reminded me of Mr. McGregor from Beatrix Potter’s book, The Tale of Peter Rabbit. Not only did he look like the elderly, serio-comic villain, but he lived on a farm with a big garden. I would see him hoeing his garden, walking along the road, or stopping by for an occasional visit with my parents. I was scared of Mr. Rose.
There were a couple of reasons for my fear. First, my older brother and sisters taunted me with tales of Mr. Rose. As a gang they declared I was adopted and said he was my daddy. You can imagine how well that went over. Tears, shrieks, and caterwauling always followed. I knew it was untrue since I looked just like my siblings, but it was still traumatic for a little kid.
The second reason was that Mr. Rose’s house was between my home and Janie’s. She was my first cousin and faithful friend in those early years. I had to walk by Mr. Rose’s house every time I went to see her. Keep in mind, growing up in rural Virginia then was very different than it is today. I would tell my mom I was going to Janie’s and take off by myself as a six or seven year old. No one went with me or took me there. This meant each time I approached Mr. Rose’s house by myself, I was shaking in my shoes. If I wanted to see Janie, I had to be courageous. This is probably where my prayer life got started. I can’t say this with certainty, but I vaguely remember praying for God to protect me and power walking as fast as I could, never looking around and never saying hello. I just walked as fast as my little legs would carry me.
I would like to say that I grew out of being fearful, but some days fear still taunts me. I’m no longer afraid of Mr. Rose, who probably was a nice man and nothing at all like Mr. McGregor. But there are other fears that I have to face down. These fears are grown up fears about grown up things. “You’re not smart enough, cool enough, experienced enough…” “You can’t do that, say that, or feel that because you’re a woman.” “You don’t have enough time to do this or that.” “You’ll never be a writer… or if you do write, no one will want to read it.” Just like Mr. Rose’s house, the fears always become an obstacle to me. I have to choose courage if I want to be who God has called me to be and to do what he has called me to do.
When I moved to Nashville and started serving at Forest Hills, it seemed like a U-haul of fear showed up with me. There were obstacles that I had to get past. God led me to Joshua 1:9, “Have I not commanded you, ‘Be strong and courageous.’ Do not be terrified and do not be discouraged for the Lord your God will be with you wherever you go.” Facing those fears felt very familiar, just like the little six or seven year old trying to get past Mr. Rose’s house. Each time, I chose to “pray and go.” I looked to God for help and protection to do what he called me to do.
“Pray and go” has become my motto and a lifestyle. I choose to trust that God is with me when fear rears its ugly head. I tell myself, “Be courageous” which is code word for “Trust God for everything.” One day I told God that he needed to tattoo Joshua 1:9 on my eyelids so I can always see it. Instead, he chose to plant it in my heart, and I have seen it bear fruit in my life. And just think, this all got started because of Mr. Rose.
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