Several years ago, while attending an intensive training course on the gospels, participants were given an assignment. Put yourself in the story of someone who encountered Jesus. As I thought through the various people that Jesus met in the pages of Scripture, I was led to the woman caught in adultery (John 8). I was very familiar with her story, but this assignment made me reflect on it from a different perspective. Rather than just focusing on the facts, I began to think about how she might have felt as she stood before a group of men who were ready to stone her. I wondered how she got to that place in her life and what might have been her backstory.
While the Scripture leaves out those details, our assignment was to use biblical imagination and fill in some of the gaps. This is a fictional account of her story, but it helped me to see her. She became more than her sin. She became someone that I might meet or someone who might come to my office to share her story with me. Since it’s her story, it’s written in first person as if she were telling it. My hope in sharing this with you is that you will come to understand her better. More importantly, I pray you get a glimpse into the heart of Jesus, who is more merciful and gracious than we can comprehend. He didn’t just give her a pass on her sin. He took her condemnation on himself. In that way, she could be any of us who read this story.
An Adulterous Woman’s Story
The coolness of the dawn morning felt like warm sunshine compared to the coldness of their hearts. They were religious men—teachers of the law and Pharisees, men reputed to be holy and righteous. Dragged away from the warmth of my lover’s arms, I felt exposed and vulnerable. Why did he not defend me? Why did he not protect me? Instead, he watched as their hands grabbed at my body, shoving and humiliating me. My sense of fear was only surpassed by my sense of guilt as I stood before them. Everyone knew what I had done. I understood their contempt. It was familiar because I had seen it on my own face many times.
I never thought about the consequence of my choice. Most people don’t when a moment of pleasure temporarily erases the pain. My lover had made me feel something. He made me feel wanted. But before these men, I felt only small and worthless. These were the same feelings that first drove me into the arms of a man who was not my husband. Sadly, he was not unlike the religious leaders. He wanted to use me just as they did.
Dragged and thrown down before Jesus, they rapidly fired questions at him. It was the tone of their words that caused me to flinch. Though justified in their accusations, I was surprised by their viciousness. Then, slowly Jesus spoke, “If any of you is without sin, let him be the first to throw a stone at her.” I shut my eyes knowing physical pain was imminent. Filled with both dread and anticipation, it would be over soon. When seconds ticked by like minutes and no stones were thrown, I opened my eyes. The arms of those who had assaulted me earlier dropped to their sides as they left one by one. Alone with Jesus, I braced myself again expecting something worse to come.
Nothing could have prepared me for what I saw on his face or in his eyes. He was the first man to look at me with understanding. He knew why I did it. Jesus saw more than anyone ever had. He saw a life of sin, not an act of adultery. He saw self-loathing and self-condemnation. He saw a broken heart, not just an adulteress. Then, Jesus uttered the words that changed my life. “Neither do I condemn you. Go and leave your life of sin.”
Through his eyes, I saw my greater need. I could not go on as I had before, but I could go on to something better. He offered me life: grace rather than performance, compassion instead of condemnation, and hope to replace the hopelessness. Finally, I understood. Judgment and condemnation could never heal my heart, but his loving kindness had changed me forever. I am not what I used to be. Because of him, I am becoming what I was meant to be
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