Pamela Hall – Day 40

Day 40. I made it. This year, for the first time, I fasted for Lent. I was familiar with the concept, but I mainly thought of it as a Catholic practice. Then in February, I had this recurring thought that I should observe Lent this year. At first, I dismissed it because it came along with a nagging thought of a specific item to fast. It was winter and the biggest sacrifice I could make was Starbucks Chai Tea Lattes. I reasoned with myself and God that I would freeze to death without my favorite warm drink. In fact, I always order it extra hot. Rather than submitting, I began giving God suggestions for other things I could fast. “How about desserts? I could give up those. After all, I’ve become a little out of control with sugar. Yep, I am going to fast desserts.” It was a concession because deep down in my heart, I didn’t trust my motives. Was I fasting desserts for God or for myself? My conclusion was probably both, but I was willing to give them up for forty days. Yay Pamela!

When another nagging thought came, I think the conversation with God went something like this, “Come on. You have to be kidding. You want me to fast what? COMPLAINING? Do I actually complain that much? How much is too much?” I meekly submitted as a vision of the Israelites who complained during their wilderness wanderings came to mind. I heard myself saying what I have taught in numerous Bible studies, “There is a little Israelite in all of us.” So, complaining was added to the fast, which I broke on day one. Rather than shaming me, God used my failure to teach me something that I am taking away from these forty days. You can never just give up complaining. It always has to be replaced with thanksgiving. Otherwise, the complaining comes back. At the risk of justifying myself, I think the purpose behind the fast of complaining was to teach me to practice thanksgiving. Yay God!

On the first day of Lent, I found myself driving by Starbucks. The thought of a much-anticipated sip of an extra hot Chai Tea Latte warmed my soul. Then, it happened again. The nagging thought of fasting my favorite drink popped into my head. I tried to push it away, but I knew it was God. Driving back to the office without the Chai Tea, I felt the first pang of self-denial and another unexpected emotion, grief. Both of these would become part of the next 40 days, but God’s purpose would become clear through the Lenten season.

The intentionality of God’s plans always amazes me. When I began fasting, the Coronavirus was far removed from my daily life. It had little impact, but God knew what was coming. As I was preparing for Easter, he was preparing my heart for the unforeseen quarantine. Removing the false comforts from my life, God readied me to draw strength and comfort from him. The quarantine has brought issues that I would not have expected including things like the emotional collision I felt when my home also became my workplace, the surprising realization of how much I turn to food for comfort or to break up daily boredom, the astonishing anxiety over a lack of what had once been readily available provisions, and an unexpected clarity that came during Holy Week. Suddenly, our 8-day journey with Jesus became more purposeful and life-giving. The things God asked me to fast were not as essential as I had once thought.

As Easter Sunday approaches, I am surprised that I don’t want to break my fast. Perhaps, I don’t trust myself because I am susceptible to false comforts. Mostly, I don’t want to let go of the deeper connection with Jesus that I’ve experienced. During a season when most of us are longing to return to normal, a part of me doesn’t want to go back to my normal life where creature comforts are my main source of well-being and happiness rather than Jesus. I pray that won’t be my story. At some point, I will have another Chai Tea Latte, enjoy another dessert, and no doubt, I will complain rather than being thankful. However, this Easter we are all aware that life goes on when we are denied some of our creature comforts. The things we once considered essential for our happiness aren’t. God has shown us those things are gifts, not necessities. My hope is that a Chai Tea Latte will remind me that while I can go without one for forty days, I cannot go one second without Jesus Christ. Good Friday and Easter show us that Christ came to meet our deepest need. When we remember that only Jesus can save us, sustain us, and truly comfort us, then creature comforts become gifts, not expectations and necessities. And in response, all I can say is Amen and Yay God!

Happy Easter!

Pamela

We look away from the natural realm and we fasten our gaze onto Jesus who birthed faith within us and who leads us forward into faith’s perfection. His example is this: Because his heart was focused on the joy of knowing that you would be his, he endured the agony of the cross and conquered its humiliation, and now sits exalted at the right hand of the throne of God! Hebrews 12:2 (TPT)